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| En route to 6:44.85 current Olympic record and Atlanta Gold. |
It is a few years back, the year after my father's untimely passing. I did not win the national selection regatta in the single scull, I came in second behind Ueli Bodenman. For the first time in my international rowing career, I had to compromise on how I was going to compete at the world championship
The year was 1993. As a collegiate rower we had an amazing season racing our Brown varsity 8. We completed a two year undefeated run, including winning the Ladies Plate at the Henley Royal Regatta. But unlike the Olympic year before, I was not able to bring sculling and rowing the eight under one roof.
After 6 weeks of intensive training in the double scull, soul searching, and questioning my existence as a rower, we finished the world championships in 8th place. I was not happy. A few hours after our final, I stood at the base of the grandstand, approximately 150 meters from the finish line, and waiting for the final of the men's single scull to come through. There I
stood, with a storm of mixed emotions ripping through my chest. My throat started knotting up. I thought of my father. I thought of my great Olympic run the year before. I remember doing a 1000 knee bends in the forest as a junior. I was meant to be racing my single scull, right there on the race course which I was observing as a SPECTATOR. How could I have let this happen? From a state of mixed emotions, one emotion started rising like a tidal wave... RAGE.
Suddenly, my rage changed into a weird sense of helpless observer, who had a hard time believing that his idol, the German Terminator, was being beaten. Porter, Lange, and Chalupa entered their final 750 meters and were in a dogfight for gold. Chalupa had the lead and lost it to Porter. To my complete astonishment, my childhood hero, Thomas Lange, did not win. Victory went to Derek Porter a tall lean Canadian. He was the one capable of beating Thomas Lange.
Here is the link to the 1993 final. |
| Left to right, Vaclav Chalupa, Derek Porter, Thomas Lange, the next day I met Derek. |
The next day, I watched the rest of the finals. As I made my way to the shuttle, I felt a huge relief. Finally, I was taken away from a place that brought so much grief and anger to me. Little did I know that a new personal chapter in Olympic determination was about to begin.
Steps before boarding the bus, I spotted Derek Porter, who still wore his gold medal around his neck. I was excited to congratulate him, because he helped solve the problem of how to beat an idol, even if it was my idol. I stretched out my hand and said: "Derek, congratulations for winning, and you beat Thomas Lange. Finally, someone could beat him, and you are the one who did it, it was incredible." When I said those words, I wore my heart on my sleeve. "Yeah, thanks," was his response and kept on walking. I felt rejected. By instinct, I turned into a first impression character judge, which is truly unfair to Derek. The vibe I picked up from how he responded, fueled my passion for competition and my view of Derek immediately became subjective and thus I felt that he had an air of superiority that to me spelled out: I am superior to you and anyone else for that matter.
My view of his passive response to my "groupie-ish" behavior hurt me deep down. Without knowing it, Porter, arguably, committed the greatest mistake in his single sculling career. As the saying goes, "don't look down to people who look up to you." That day, I was the one looking up to him. It was that moment in my life, as a single sculler, that the final gold medal ingredient found its way into my racer-brain which galvanized my Olympic determination. I took a deep breath, balled my fists as hard as I could. I felt my entire body tightening up as if I was going to be shot at with a canon ball. Aggressive energy started to flow through my veins and just like that the rage of the day before became RAGE of victory.
As soon as I returned to Brown, I started training on my own. I did thousands of bench rows, squats, lat pull downs, horizontal rows, miles on the erg and water. Not one day would go by without me thinking at least twice about that fateful encounter. Not one day would go by without me thinking of my father who did not live to see the day I would win gold. My Olympic goal was set straight in front of me, like a sight on a target. I was on board of an unstoppable freight train, bound to smash a record on Lake Lanier.
At the world championship in 1994 and 1995, I denied Porter entry to the final. At the 1996 Olympics I overtook him in the last 250 meters to win gold and set the current Olympic record. In 1998, I won silver and I don't remember where he ended up. In 1999, I won another silver, he got bronze. In 2000, I was dying in the last 500 meters, but it was over my dead body that Porter was going to beat me. I won silver and he came in fourth.
Since, I have mellowed out a lot, and for the sake of my wife and four children, I am very happy about it.
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| From left to right, Derek Porter, Xeno Müller, Thomas Lange 1996 Olympics |
(Derek, if you read this, in no way do I want to portray you as someone you are not. At the time, I had a lot of personal challenges I had to meet, and the circumstance of our encounter was so unplanned. I am certain that you are a great person.)
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Xeno Muller won an Olympic Gold in Atlanta and an Olympic Silver in Sydney, and is the current Olympic Record holder in the 2000m Single Scull. Link to the Olympic final of 1996 Xeno Muller, Olympic gold and silver medalist, indoor rowing, rowing technique.
